Time for Inspiration

April General Conference is so refreshing. With the spring, and then sun, and Easter. Everything is new. I am feeling like I am more than ready for it this year. I need some divine guidance, some inspiration; The kind that comes when you're able drink in two solid days of prophetic counsel.

The beginning of 2010 has been kind of a roller coaster for me. Stability and consistency are not two words I would use to describe how i've felt for the past three months.

The beginning of January brought a surprising shift in my vocational segment of life. Unfortunately the man I was working for didn't come through as was promised, and suddenly I was only left with my part time training.

Panic initially set in. Stress is what I do best in these types of situations.

Lots of prayer happened. I didn't know if this was a good time for me to make a clean break from Provo, and embark on some new territory. I'd always considered grad school as a great option, but I knew that deadlines would be fast approaching, and I didn't even know if there was a program I'd want to apply for.

More prayer.

My first Sunday back to the 203rd ward, post Christmas break, answered question #1. I was called as the Relief Society Pres. I'll take that as a...I'm supposed to be here answer.

I felt really good about that part.

Now what?

I decided to take matters to the temple. I went every day for a week. More prayer. Lot's more prayer.

In looking through grad school options I found a program that had somehow slipped my searching. A masters in Exercise Science, emphasizing on health promotion. Music to my ears. Deadline for entry: Feb 1st, 2010. Is that some sort of a joke? No. It wasn't.

The day after I found it I went to the professor over the program and talked to him about my chances of getting in, my options, was I crazy. He didn't think so. "Take the GRE," he said. "Go for it."

More prayer. It felt good. It almost seemed to fit too well. With my only working part time I'd be able to spend LOTS of time studying for the GRE. I planned to take the GRE the last week in January, and submit my application on Feb 1st.

Scary. YEP. Lot's of work. Yes indeed. HERE GOES.

Spoke with Cody at Elevate about the possibility of going back to training full time. Absolutely she said. She let me know I'd be her first priority as far as new clients went, until I was full. Cody is awesome. I really do owe her.

SO...I studied my guts out.

Tried to squeeze in some hanging out with Linds time before she moves to Austin.

Scrambled to get my application all ready. Letters of recommendation? Done.

Took the GRE. Hated it a lot, but managed to pull off a decent score. Applied.

Waited.

As soon as I was done applying my client schedule picked up. It was like clockwork it seemed. I knew then and still know now that my Father in Heaven was looking out for me.

Waited.

LOVING. Being back at the gym full time. It seems like I almost had forgotten what it was like to be full force focusing on what I love, what i'm good at. I have had the opportunity to work with an even broader range of clients. I've been able to teach classes. I've been able to really sink my teeth into my area of expertise. That feels good.

Still waiting.

Finally, received and email that told me that..."We regret to inform you that the Exercise Sciences MS program has not recommended you for admission for Fall 2010...." Wait...what? Reread. Yep, it really does say that. "Has not?"Heart sinks a little.

Ummmm...now what? All that perfect timing? All that clockwork? I'd just assumed with how perfectly everything had worked out that it would happen. Apparently the number of applicants increased by 40% this year. Hmmmm....

And here I am.

What now?

I'm not doubting my experiences and promptings thus far this year. I truly believe that the Lord is guiding me to be in whatever direction He wants me to be in. It's just kinda hard to sink my teeth into it. I worked really hard for it. I missed out on lots of hours I could have been playing with Linds.

I can't think of it that way...I know. I have been guided. Guided to where I am now.

I love work.

I love my calling, and my ward, and the people I get to interact with. I feel like the sisters in my Relief Society are some of the most amazing girls I've ever met. I can honestly say that I have such a huge amount of love for each girl. I feel like they are all my close friends.

But I don't like this, "what now?" feeling.

I had a conversation with Rox tonight about where we're headed in life. What lies in store. What our goals are, and where we want to be. She seems to have some sort of plan. I don't. Mine plan got dashed...I've learned over the years that, that seems to happen more often than not. (I get it, I get it...I am not the one steering here.)

Don't get me wrong I LOVE my job. Like I really really LOVE it. I know not many people can say that. Why else would I get up at crack of dawn? It's funny because it almost seems like a lot of people around me don't think that my current job is good enough. My wanting to go back to school, came because I want to keep progressing, not because I don't like what I do. I know education is important, and empowering.

I want to keep improving myself. But, If I do it I want it to be something I feel good about. Something I love. Something that for some reason i just can't seem to put my finger on. I feel like I've searched a lot.

I'm trying to take that step in to the dark knowing the Lord will eventually light the way. But what about when I don't even know where to begin stepping?

Like I said...I need conference.

More Praying.

xoxoxo Megs